Truth is a funny thing...

One of my favorite quotes is, "You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... but even God cannot change the truth."

My interpretation is - the truth just IS. You can always bend the truth (leave something out?) you can twist and stretch the truth - but at the end of the day the truth is exactly what it says - true... no matter how you look at it. no matter how much you wish is weren't so.

Ava was VERY lucky to be able to live her last year in Ethiopia with her sisters, brother, and cousins (though technically they are her neice and nephew - the three of them are the same age so she grew up with them as *cousins*). She was transferred to the care center in Addis Ababa approximately 3 months before I left to pick her up and the stress of living in that environment has left a very permanent and heartbreaking mark.

Unlike other children in the care center Ava grew up being very loved and cared for. She knew and understood what being a part of a family meant. She knew that adults were supposed to take care of you. That all changed for her when she was moved from her very loving family home into the care center.

When we first came home there was obviously a lack of understanding since we were still not *really* speaking the same language. Jason and I took a lot of what she said with a grain of salt - assuming that we just weren't understanding what she trying to express. Her language aquisition was incredible and it became clear after only a few months that we were in fact understanding exactly what Ava had been telling us (though we were still praying it was a mistake). During our first 2 months home Ava had gone through ALL of the photos I had collected of the care-center and thrown away, with a great deal of anger, ALL of the photos of two particular nannies. I had to dig some of them out of the trash because I wanted to save the photo of the child - but Ava was very clear in wanting NO reminders of these two people in our homes.

I did choose a wait-and-see approach to dealing with this situation. When Ava was ready, I knew she'd share whatever it was that was bothering her.

Sleep was something that always took a long time to come for Ava. She would lay in bed for HOURS with her flashlight always reading or coloring. We figured it had something to do with the time changes and the HUGE change in her life and surroundings so we didn't push it. I started to worry though when she would go for the whole night without sleeping. That of course led to a rough next day - but my concern was truly that she was refusing to sleep. I chalked it up to her needing to feel in control of *something* - so we started talking about that... I started giving her more choices (would you like eggs or cereal, the blue shirt or the red shirt, walking Sadie or Autumn...) but nothing seemed to help her.

Finally I just came out and asked her why she wouldn't sleep (this was after I stopped sleeping because I was up worrying about her!). She very calmly told me that her job at the care center was to protect the little girls (children ALL slept together - the babies had a "baby room" but the toddlers through oldest children slept in the same rooms and many children in the same beds). She talked to me about the abuses that happened between the children (which one could expect when you house boys/girls ages 2-14 in the same rooms/beds) and she explained that she'd pile all of the little girls in her bed and stay awake so she knew they'd be safe.

I am thankful every day for Ava's diagnosis. In Ethiopia there is still a wide-spread fear of the disease and I believe many of the nannies were afraid of her because of this. She has told us that none of the nannies ever hit her - but she has shown us what the nannies did do to the other children. The older kids would have to stand bent at the waist with their heads hanging down between their ankles. This was how the nannies would make the children "sleepy" - they would have to stay like that indefinately until they were ready to go to bed... The little children were often spanked (it breaks my heart to hear her talk about this through her tears) if they had accidents in their pants. I've spoken to numerous families that have brought their children home from IAG who are dealing with a myriad of issues surrounding the bathroom.

Ava was supposed to be on a special high-calorie diet because of the struggle she had with gaining weight and she'd often give her food to the other little children because she'd rather "be hungry than have to rock them at night when their bellies hurt from no food." (her words).

Are you wondering why I'm writing about this today?

Our agency was made aware of this very disturbing trend in the care center. There are 4 families who contacted the agency with this information. Four families with children telling the same story - naming the same people (both nannies and children) - and these families went to the agency so that changes could be made.

I wish I could write about happy, fuzzy, sunshine now. I wish I could tell you that something, anything had been done. But that is not the case.

These families were told that their children were lying. The parents were told not to believe the children. The agency issued a statement saying an "investigator" went to the care center and saw no evidence of abuse other than one nanny spanking a child with a belt.

You tell me. If you were a small child living in an orphanage. A child who remembers what it is like to have to beg for food, a child who remembers what it is like to sleep on the street, a child who is thankful for a dry place to live and food to eat - would you "tell" on your abusers if you thought you'd have to go back to the life you had before you came to the care-center?

I understand cultural differences. I understand that parents in Ethiopia use a more physical method of disciplining their children but I also understand that the nannies at the agency's care-center are paid employees of the agency and thus, cultural believes don't apply. They need to be trained in appropriate behavior management techniques, they need to understand that they are working for parents who have a level of expectation that they MUST live up to.

Having specific nannies named as the perpetrators of the various abuses, you'd think they would have been replaced. Again, that is not the case. According to the recent traveling groups, these nannies are still there, still caring for these vulnerable children.

My daughter cries herself to sleep EVERY night. She cries for the children she left behind and she cries for what she knows they are going through. That is a burden that no 8-year-old should have to carry.

My goal in sharing this information is education. If you have adopted an older children through IAG I welcome you to share what you know about your child's experiences during the time they were at the care center. My belief is the more of us who come forward the more likely this issue is to be revisited. My end goal is nothing more than ensuring the children at the care center are safe.